same shit

i can't believe this is happening again. omg how stupid am i. believing you, i trusted you and thought you're different now? but you're not. and why? i don't get it huh.. why are you always fighting for me, always telling me you're gonna change, you're just stressed at the time, busy with this and that? and i was always so fucking stupid believing you. but i can't do this anymore, you're hurting me again and again and it just won't stop but i need this to stop. and i think i have to delete you out from my life, and maybe you'll see what i did for you. i mean, i was always there always calling, texting you. nomatter what i just been here for you but you don't care, you never do and why?

. .. because truth is there are so many people in youre life which are more important than I could ever be! and i hate that, it's actually killing me. Why? Why? and Why? ha? . .. you don't even know how you're hurting me. cause you became fucking selfish and don't care about me anymore that's the thing! i miss you, yes after all this still? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?? WHY AM I STUPID LIKE THIS? i can't look in the mirror anymore, i hate myself so much for always puting me up to this. and i don't learn it, i do it again and again. it's like it gives me a kick to get disappointed from you. .. i wish you would just understand what you're doing to me! cause i'm so fucked up and you? what is with you? . .. are you happy? laughing what ru feelin now? i know ur happy, not thinking about me! 

. .. and it's fine cause i don't expect anything from you. let's just stay like this and imma move on without you!

thanks for fucking my life. 

peaceout x

family.

i swear whenever i listen to that song, i get tears in my eyes everytime, again and again. think of that this happens to you. what would you do, how would you feel like, ich mein ernsthaft soviele familien gehen kaputt und das wegen solchen dingen, es muss schwer sein von den eltern angesehen zu werden und zu wissen sie wollen am liebsten weinen, oder sich einfach verstecken aber können nicht weil sie doch ihre kinder haben um die sie sich sorgen und kümmern müssen. ich finde das schrecklich familien zerbrechen zu sehen, den soviele menschen müssen das miterleben und können einfach nichts dagegen machen! wie traurig sowas miterleben zu müssen und sich hilflos zu fühlen, oder zu sein! meine familie ist mir das allerwichtigste, egal was passiert und passiert ist sie bedeuten mir alles und ich möchte niemals das ihnen irgendwas passiert! meiner meinung nach ist die familie der stützpunkt für einen  jungen menschen, generell einfach. wenn man die familie verliert durch scheidungen oda sonst was kann das einfach schrecklich sein! ..

peace out x

truth.

you know how much i wish you would just not act like this, just be here for me and hug me while you're telling me that you miss me. but you don't, and why? because you don't even realize how much you're hurting me, and well if than you might not care about me enough. i was you're little angel before, don't you remember? well i guess you don't. cause you care just too less about me and that's the truth. you know it, i know it we just both know! ... i wish you could just be here, even we don't come along the last time but i miss you and i wanna be here with you but you ? what are you doing with me? can you tell me, what's happened with us? i really don't know! trust me, i gave my best to make you understand me,  i told you so many time but you just dont get it! and thats the truth! i swear im tired of you and me doing this shit all the time.

i cant deal with this anymore, i miss you but i dont wanna see you cause it hurts too much :/

peace out x

cause i love you!

i just dont know how you do this ? making me love you so much when i should hate you ? you're making me miss you when i should be happy that youre not here ?! making me think of you while youre not thinking of me ? making me feel sorry for things you did wrong ? i never got it, i never understood how i coulda feel that way, and honestly how should i really get it ? you never make me understand how you act, are - just never ! you always pretend to care, to be here for me no matter what, but truth is you always hurt me. youre the one always making me cry and feel guilty. tell me why am i stupid letting you do this with me ? . ... 

let me tell you, because i love you! . yes i'm dumb enough to love you that much to get hurted by everything you do, by every text message you tell me to call me but never call! i' stupid to stay up till 5 am only to hear your voice, only to talk to you, ? okey but why am i doing this ? imma tell you. ..

cause i love you. 
 

why is it that i always need to be the first one ? i always apologize first, i  always call first, i text first, i do every shit first but what does that help me ? Right. Nothing! i always tried to make you be proud of me but you just dont see it. i tried so hard, to make you know how much i miss you, but you don't ! and all this has to happen cause you never see problems, to you its all okey, right? . .. 

and why dont i quit that ? i really dont know this time, i really dont why i have to go thru this pain all over again, every time we fight everytime you dont answer my calls, or texts. i'm so sick of all this, and please believe me i would wish to quit but i cant and you know why ? 

CAUSE I LOVE YOU ! . ...

peaceout x 

i'm fine.

. .. what do you think when you look at this ? do you feel sorry for ? or just been disgusted? 

. i really don't know how to talk about this! . for some people it might be hard, and for some it's like telling how christmas was. but for me it's kinda different! i never liked talking about suicide, or self hurting or whatever! and why? well that's my little secret. i just think we shouldn't close our eyes and be here for each other and help those we love! if someone tells you he's / she's fine, its not always true! some people dont talk about their problems and are just like this. like i'm showing on the picture.!

peace out x