America♥♥

i love this land - god bless the USA!♥

things change.

*how is this?
how is that?

why is it like that?

you're wrong!

all you do is wrong!

why are you like that?

change! 

- that's the keyword CHANGE! why is it important to change something you don't wanna change? i mean what if you're happy the way you are, why should you do something you don't feel for? i mean seriously!? 

i don't know i never asked you to change, did I? 

so why are you forcing me to? i mean you're telling me you're disappointed in my 

all i do is wrong in you're eyes, and so will everything change, with us! not cause i changed, 

only because you're not interested in my life and what i do than before and i keep telling you you're a part of me, you're my heart. but what are you saying? NOTHING! you know 

we're drifting apart, and only because you're not willing to change things! i would do a lot to keep everything up and i already did, but there's no point to do it anymore cause you've changed! but i never said anything, cause i was too blind to think you could make mistakes! i wish you would understand me but you just never do and that's the problem we're having, but you never have time for me to talk. 

and if we're drifted apart one day, it's too late. but okey it's up to you. ...

peaceout x

love

was ist schon liebe? 

ich mein wir denken das das gefühl wenn wir verliebt sind "liebe" ist aber wissen wir das auch genau?

nein wir wissen das natürlich nicht, wie den auch. wörter wie diese sind einfach da wir suchen uns nicht ihre bedeutung aus, sie sind einfach so! und ich denke oft darüber nach ob es "liebe" überhaupt gibt den schließlich kann man sich da nicht sicher sein, wir wissen das es ein gefühl gibt das uns zum glücklichsten menschen der welt, aber auch gleichzeitig unser ganzes leben zerstören kann! 

die liebe ist ein sehr magisches gefühl mit dem viele nicht umgehen können sie meinen zwar es zu können, aber meiner meinung nach jedem 2ten zu sagen "Ich Liebe Dich" bedeutet nichts. den das sind magische worte die sehr gut überlegt sein sollten, versteht ihr es ist einfach so das es soviele glückliche menschen gibt in beziehungen, verliebt in ihren partner und es scheint einfach alles perfekt. aber oft steckt dahinter nur fassade, viele menschen merken garnicht wie schlecht es manchen eigentlich in der "liebe" geht! 

soviel schmerz, verzweiflung, kummer und trauer kann dahinter stecken. aber natürlich auch freude und glück, aber findet erst einmal einen menschen mit dem ihr das teilen könnt, das ist manchmal garnicht so einfach!

natürlich wünsche ich allen menschen auf gottes erden alles gute und eine schöne zukunft, und ein tipp genießt eure erste liebe, es kann so schnell vorbei sein! 

peaceout x

♥

broken hearted girl♥

a look back.

i sometimes wonder how everything would be now if we'd never broke up, if you just never changed to who you are today. you've been my first real love and i wished it would never end, but it did...

i had such a wonderful time with you and i loved you so much, i would've done everything for you but it was never enough for you and that hurts me. you never saw it, and i guess that's the problem we had, you've not been here to know what i did for you. i was about to leave all behind to just be with you, just leave my family my friends, my job - my whole life just for you. 

it wasn't good enough for you, and that was so disappointing, it was yes! today it's not anymore cause i don't love you anymore, i'm finally over you after 7 months and i thank god for helping me thru this hard time. only he knows how bad it was. i struggled so hard, and you? what did you do? huh? ..

who knows if you even loved me, if you even thought about being with me for the rest of your life, when i think back today, i don't believe you anymore, i guess this was all just a bad bad dream. and i wish i'd woke up earlier but i didn't. i was blind for love for such a long time but now i'm up and i know who you really are. you're nothing else than a fake, stupid asshole and whatever? i'm honest now, and i wouldn't lie about you anymore that you're the best that ever happened to me, cause you're not! 

you're fucking immature, you think you're something and you're being a king, but guess what you're aint a shit!

i said it once to you and i would repeat it again and again > khool ikhre shedana! 

these are the words you deserve and nothing else to be exactly with you!!!

you stole 2 years of my life, and i fucking hate you for every day. i told you that i regret the day of your birth.

i regret, every look at you, every touch and every kiss! i regret i though you'd be the one for me! 

i hope one day, and this day will come when i'll stand in front of you and i will laugh in your face, and say: look at me, and then look at you - can you see it now? 

i'm just too good for you! 

i thought so many times about these words, but i'm sure about it now!

i'm over you, and i wish god will forgive you for breaking my heart so many times, and jumping on it!

.. and guess what after all this shit, i still love you!

peaceout x

Cindy♥

. ..i don't really know how to start this, it's not easy for me to talk about you, i mean it is but finding the right words isn't! since i know you, you became one of the most important persons in my life. i talk about you every day, and i don't care if i bore people with telling them how gorgeous you are. if i start talking about you i never stop, cause there is so much to say about you, and who ever thought i would find someone like you! you're my cousin, but you know i don't see you as that, i see you as my sister, as my best friend. i guess for some reasons i don't even know why i love you that much, we fight a lot, we may annoy each other sometimes, and we disappointed each other and all this in not even 2 years. but you know what, sisters are like that right? i mean i fight with my brother and sisters here too, but even tho we fight and all this i love them more than anything else and would die for them any day, and that's the same for you. because i love you so much, and you been always so sweet to me, and i know i could tell you everything. i trust you like no one else and i hope you know that.

even it's not always been easy with us the last time, and we been goin thru so much and nomatter what i said or you said i always knew i can't stay mad at you for long! 


there were people asking me why i still do this, why i still hurt myself with missing you, why i don't just delete you out of my life, and i thought about it, but you know what i could never. loosing her would, well i can't even tell what that would do with me, and i hope that will never happen! people also asked me what's so special about you, i always answer : the thing that's special about her is that i don't need to tell what it is, cause SHE just is! i mean there were a lot of people in my life, i used to trust, and though i would die without them. but in the end they all disappointed me, let me down! but there's something about her i know she would never let me down! 

i actually wouldn't know what to do without her, and i don't care if we fight every day, as long as i know in the end everything will be good again. cause i don't wanna miss her in my life, it's hard enough not to see her. ..

and well since i know you, omg so much happened between us, so many nights we stayed up sitting in the garage talking, laughing and sometimes there were tears. i always remember how much fun we had together, and so many times i wish i could go back to this. everytime i had to leave you it broke my heart, and only god knows how many nights i couldn't sleep cause of crying, when i was back home. well i guess this is something only i know, and i know nobody understands that cause when i talk about you i know how people sometimes think i'm weird holding on somebody i see for 2 weeks a year. but that's okey cause nobody needs to understand me, i don't even care, cause all i need to know is that i really love my cousin nomatter what.

cindy benjamin

and i miss her, everyday, everyday i can't see her.

and that hurts so much, i really hate that! i swear to god i would

give everything just for a hug from you cindy.

i never told you but, you're my heart! and i won't ever let you down, i'm always here for you

cause when you're sad, i'm sad.

you mean the world to me, i hope you know that!♥

fights.

ich hasse streiten, angelogen zu werden und hintergangen zu werden. aber die leute tun es doch immer und immer wieder, man denkt sich so oft, nein bei dir ist es sicher anders du bist nicht wie all die anderen. aber ehrlich gesagt, tun sie es doch wieder und wieder und das ist doch verletzend. wir werden fast tagtäglich angelogen, oft sind es notlügen eher kleine aber trotzdem, belogen zu werden ist natürlich nie ein schönes gefühl und das ist uns allen denke ich mal klar.

etwas das ich bei uns beiden nie verstehe, wir haben uns doch eigentlich so lieb, und das wissen wir doch auch. aber jedes mal geraten wir aneinander und wofür? bitte sag es mir.. denn langsam verzweifel ich an uns. es wird immer schwerer unsere beziehung aufrecht zu halten, ich hab dich so sehr lieb und denke auch das eigentlich alles schön sein könnte, den schließlich bist du mir einer der allerwichtigsten menschen der ganzen welt, aber ich denke das weisst du nicht. denn du bist blind, du verstehst mich schon so lange nicht mehr und das ist einfach traurig, und ich vermisse das einfach. wir haben uns früher so gut verstanden, aber dann musstest du dich ja verlieben, das natürlich schön ist für dich und ich habe dir so oft gesagt dass ich dir das glück der welt wünsche, den du hast es verdient. aber muss dieses glück mich unglücklich machen? nach der heirat wars schon anders, jetzt bist du schwanger, und ich interessiere dich noch weniger, dabei habe ich doch alles gegeben damit wir uns nicht aus den augen verlieren, aber du nimmst es nicht an.

so oft habe ich dir meine hand ausgestreckt, habe versucht das wieder alles gut wird, und das du endlich einsiehst das du für mich wie eine schwester bist, aber du? was tust du den? du lässt mich immer wieder fallen, einfach so hängen. ich brauche dich und du findest stunden, manchmal tage später erst zeit. denkst du das ich sowas tun würde? niemals. du weisst das ich alles für dich liegen und stehen lassen würde wenn du kummer hättest, und hast! den so bin ich nunmal.

aber ich scheine dir einfach nicht mehr genug zu bedeuten. und das schmerzt so sehr, wie oft wir uns fertig machen, uns schuld zuweisen, das geht doch so nicht weiter und ich denke du verstehst das einfach nicht und das verletzt mich so sehr, das ich dir das einfach mal sagen musste, dass du mich öfter traurig als glücklich machst aber du? du weisst mir wieder schuldgefühle zu, du sagst warum ich dir das vorwerfe?!

.. leider denke ich wäre es besser wenn wir abstand zueinander halten und das fällt dir ja sowieso nicht schwer.

peaceout x